updates of falikitees life

11:15 am - 29 Weeks Later

Okay.. So i haven't updated in 29 weeks!
Since then... started dating Mr. Amazing... I'm engaged to that most amazing man in the world and we are gettin married next july!
I miss Disney. I'm goin next month.
Summer School SUCKS
My picture for this journal was taken when I was in Europe.... my sophomore year in High School... approximatley... oh... 6 1/2 years ago.
I graduate next may. i was supposed to graduate last may.
wedding planning is hard. stressful, yet FUN!
i work at wild birds unlimited.... i sell bird food.
have i mentioned i miss disney.
Healthy and I are going next month for the weekend. I love that I can go places like DISNEY WORLD for the weekend.
I think that's all i got for now.

03:19 pm - 8 months later

alrighty.. so it's been 8 months since I wrote in this fabulous little thing. I've been reading your entries... but now i'm going to write one myself.
There are so many times that I have held my mouth shut and i'm damn tired of it.
okay. that's all i'm going to bitch about.. just know.. i'm gonna start sayin stuff.

i'm excited about going to florida. laura weiss... we are gonna go. we are just gonna go! haha. dec. 27thish-jan 3ish.
let the countdown begin.

i've spent time reconnecting with old friends. i love them.
yep.

okay.
i really am going to update again.
but now i'm going to nap

12:00 pm

whoa, so i havne't updated in over a month... i'm slackin!
but i'm havin fun down here so i have excuses.. and i will give you some of them now!
alrighty.. lets see here, i have already told you about my roommates.. all of whom are still fabulous
i work in fantasyland merchandise... love it! and love the people i work with!
i spend most of my time in the moneyroom however, which means most nights of the week i am responsible for all of the money that goes through fantasyland... who decided to do that to me??? idk... but basically.. i'm awesome! ha right!
there are no men in my life at the moment, and it's wonderful!!!
i have turned 21.. very eventful night... if i could go back and just stay home and drink a glass of wine, i would... but whatever man, it was fun! (pictures are on facebook if anyone cares)
there is a chance i will not be coming home in august, i might stick it out til january... my parents want me to not do that, but right now i could care less what they think... i dont want to leave. this is my life now and i can't see myself doing anything different again....
i will be home however on june 9-12 to visit for my litte sisters graduation.. apparently she will not be home for that but whatever.. i will be, if i ever get around to making airline reservations
i have the greatest friends in the world down here...
we go to the beach often, and the other day i went to typhoon lagoon for the day... glorious
yes
just a quick update, but yes i'm alive, and i'm having the time of my life, and at the moment, i never want to leave

12:54 am - Disney World

Well well well you guys.... i'm here
oddly enough this is really the first chance i have had to update since i got here. it might be a short one or it might be a long one... who knows. the fact of the matter is i have been up for 20 hours now and it has been a long day... a very long day in a series of long days. however, they are all incredible.
where to start.... i suppose i'll start at the beginning.
i left nc on tuesday morning. now let me add that on tuesday morning i had no desire what so ever to be down here. i had every intention of staying home. but we left raleigh and hit the road. what a long long day i had ahead of me. i drove the whole way down from raleigh. somewhere in south carolina or georgia my passenger side mirror started to come off... i think it was south carolina b/c the roads in that state are horrible and i think that possibly had something to do with it. either way... the mirror started to fall off so i had to quickly find a gas station to buy some duct tape. yes my friends... i am now "that car" the one that i have always made fun of for being held together with duct tape. it's not too noticeable though, maybe just to me because i am still quite upset about it.. but what can ya do?
after the duct tape incident i noticed i had a hole in my sock... i kept meaning to stop and change my socks but i forgot to until we got through jacksonville florida. which let me just go ahead and add is the absolute WORST traffic i have ever been in, in my life. horrible. roads coming out of nowhere and traffic wall to wall...parking lots. but oh well.. me and my crazy mad driving skills survived.
11 1/2 hours after departing the ever so loved raleigh, nc... my mother and I arrived in orlando. (i kept havin to potty... it made the trip longer) we stayed in a hotel for the night and got up super super early the next morning. wednesday... the day my trip and adventure really begins.
wednesday morning i had to take my mom to the airport... only after makin us somewhat lateish because i refused to get out of bed because i didn't want to come, and then i laid in my bed crying and bein a big baby b/c again.. i just wanted to go home. and actually as i write this right now, those homesick feelings come back to me... so i am going to jump ahead a bit.
so i dropped my mom off at the orlando international airport so she could go back to raleigh. now for any of you who have ever been in the orlando airport... it's HUGE! and much like the rest of florida, the traffic patterns make no sense what-so-ever. as i was leaving the airport.. somehow or another i ended up in the wrong lane, which put me going the wrong way on the wrong road. i was stuck on the florida turnpike and i couldn't get off... i paid a lot of money in tolls and everything. not fun. i ended up calling my dad and he got on mapquest and directed me kind of to where i needed to be. eventually... i found it.
i got into the area where i needed to be and it was HORRIBLE! traffic everywhere, construction everywhere, gas at 2.65 a gallon. what in the world had i gotten myself into? i had no idea, but i wasn't so sure i wanted to stay... sadly i had no idea what so ever how to get home so i finally found the apartment complex where i had to check in. got checked in and had to fill out tons and tons of paperwork. then i had to go get fingerprinted and you know my sweatty hands took for ever! i got my housing assignment in the good apartment complex... in this apartment complex there is no alcohol, but it's fine i dont really care... but i will get back to the apartment complex issue later.
met a ton of really cool people... everyone here is unbelievable nice and outgoing and like me.. can break out into any disney song at any given moment.. and its wonderful!!!! i have people to sing with!!!!
i met my first roommate in line as we pulled into the parking lot.. sam, she is from tennessee so not too far away.
after all of the checkin stuff.. i headed over here to where i live.. chatham square... very nice apartments, if you haven't checked out my pictures in webshots, then you definatly should... i'll post the website later.
it is a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom apartment with a kitchen and dining area and a balcony and green carpet. it's really quite large though. i have 5 fabulous roommates.
samantha-she is from oklahoma and she works at Disney-MGM studios doing the backlot tour... if any of you know what that is
Kiera- she is from utah, and she is a lifeguard at blizzard beach
kristi-she too is from utah, and she operates rides in fantasyland (peter pan, carosel and all of our favorites.. it's a small world)
jen- she is from new orleans and she works at rafiki's hut or somethin like that in animal kingdom
and lauren- from oklahoma, is VERY GOOD FRIENDS with Chip and Dale (hint hint) as well as a few others such as eeyore, winnie the pooh, jessie, and a few others.. but i'll keep those a secret.
i love all of my friends, we all have so much fun together and i got really lucky to get roommates that i actually like and enjoy being with. we all laugh a whole lot and it's like we have been friends forever, not just 3 or 4 days. so the first night, we all hung out a lot and it was a lot of fun.
day 2- thursday.
we woke up really realy early.... really early and went and got our job titles... in case you were wondering.. i work in fantasyland in all those wonderful little gift shops. i wear a horribly hideous outfit that you should all check out, which is also on my webshots. then after we did that... we came back to the apartment for a bit and decided to check out downtown disney. it was a lot of fun, only 4 of us went (me, lauren, sam and jen) but it was great! pictures of that will be up shortly...
then we had our first dinner as a "family" that night, we ordered pizza and all ate at the dinner table.. it was quite cute, only kristi was missing.
day 3- friday
another incredibly early morning. had to be at the bus stop at 6 am, dressed in professional wear (aka a business suit, and i must say... i look hot! whatever i do when i grow up... i will wear business suits and stuff like that..) we had class from 7-1 teaching us stuff about disney world and all kinds of stuff like that. we had to sign all kinds of confidentiality agreements and nonsense like that.
then the 5 of us (everyone but kristi) went to the magic kingdom.. and had soo much fun! i love disney world! we did almost everything, but of course we didnt have time to do it all..but it's okay b/c we have 7 1/2 months to do it all. we came back last night after the fireworks and crashed.. i had to be up again at 5 this morning.
day 4-saturday
i woke up at 5 am this morning, and got dressed for yet another day of disney bootcamp. today was fun and interesting though. we got to go backstage disney, and underneath disney. for those of you that didn't know the magic kingdom is actually a 2nd story... what you see is the upstairs.. there is a completely different world underneath, full of tunnels and mickeys and minnies and donalds and princesses... not as you see them in the kingdom. but it's crazy big down there.. tunnels going everywhere...
we also got our fabulouso costumes today.. we go out to a big huge warehouse, something a little larger than the size of sams club full of costumes for the cast members (we aren't called employees, we are cast members). this warehouse was just for the magic kingdom kids and some animal kingdom i believe. i can't even express to you how large this building is. floor to ceiling costumes. none of the characters were in this building though, they are all seperate.. underneath disney. this is just for the people you see working there.. everything from the custodians-ride people-people like me. costumes everywhere. if they weren't all so ugly, it would be amazing. but they are all ugly and from the 1970s so... oh well. you would think disney would update.. but no.
i got home from work around 4ish and then we hugn out here, did laundry and such then hung out all night.
it's been so much fun, and i know i have left a ton ton ton of stuff out, but i will tell more later. i'm exhuated.. i definatly need sleep.

i miss ya all!!!!

Current Mood: excited

05:56 pm - it's that time

Well, here we go..
i have really waited until the absolute LAST minute on everything!!!! tomorrow is my last full day in NC until August when i am scheduled to return home. lets just say i'm really not ready.
i did go out and buy some "professional attire" so i'm all set there. i got my car inspected,which led to needing an oil change, and replacing some parts, and then gettin the tires balanced and rotated. over a hundred bucks later... the car is in tiptop shape. just needs to be cleaned and vacuumed then packed.
unfortunatly, the car can't be packed until i pack my stuff...which, has NOT happened. at this point in time... i dont think that will ever happen. it's not like i'm going to school, and can come homeand get all of the stuff i forgotand can't fit in my car. i have to fit it all in my car.... wow. and keep room for my mom, b/c she is going to make the drive down with me then fly home.

meanwhile... i am not really very excited anymore. i'm scared and i miss my friends. i will only know laura weiss!!!hopefully we will get to spend a lot of fun times together. but since i'm going down a week before her, that's a week all alone.

i dont know who i'm living with, wherei'm living... or even whati'm doing. it's like i'm completley blind here!!! how scary!!! but it's DISNEY WORLD! that's exciting right???? this is a chance for me to completley move on. i dont know that i'm ready to tho, so maybe this is just a shove.

i am sad that i didn't have a lot of time in greenville with everyone. esp sarah, since she has been gone forever,and now i'm leaving. i feel like last semester i made a ton of fabulous friends. i mean, my life was completley tossed upside down and everything changed. and now i am running away from it all. how scary is that? i know i'm going to get awway from josh... is that right?

speaking of josh... he came to see me and tell me bye, and we had such a great time... hanging out,and talking and laughin... i feel like these months that we have been apart we both changed so much... in some ways for the better, someways for the worst... but all in all, i feel like we are still so great together... hopefully that will be the case and maybe one day we can try again. 7 1/2 months apart will be a true test..hopefully we can stay friends, b/c i honestly am still in love with him. we have been broken up for 4 months now... and the times that we have hung out in those 4 months have been great. i just really want us to remain friends. i'm not gonna shut down mylife in hopes that he comes back to me... i'm still just not ready to shut that door. perhaps i'll meet the real "love of my life" in florida... if josh wasn't that...perhaps i wont. but now i really love him, and those feelings haven't gone away. ain't love a bitch!!!

now... i know y'all are all so sick of josh.
i absolutley cannot believe that i am going to be working at DISNEYWORLD! one day... my kids are gonna love that. i'm going to turn 21 in a month and 3 days... and i'll be in DISNEY....if anyone is free to come to florida that weekend,i'd loveit! i'll be down there for easter, and 4th of july. for everything! i might come back for graduation. if i can afford a plane ticket, and get time off. i really dont feel like this is happening. i feel like everything is just going crazy, and nothing is happening, and if it is happening i'm just standing back watching.

i will probably update again tomorrow and say a lot of the samethings...or i will update again when i get to florida. i love all of you guys!
i hope to see you ALL in florida soon!!!!

Current Mood: busy

10:11 pm - just a bit about me

Name: Felicity

Siblings: Logan, Jordan, Noel
Education: graduated broughton high 03, ECU 03-forever
Favorite place: camp caroline... hands down, followed closely by christmount and greenville
Favorite Pop: what the hell is a pop? it's a fucking drink! coke.
Favorite food: mashed potatos
Favorite book: lots of books... romance novels are my favorite tho
Favorite animal: dogs, cows and monkeys
Water brand: cheapest except for dannon... that's gross, they should stick to yogurt
Favorite burger place: andys
Favorite hobby: goin to ecu hockey games w/the girls
Favorite friends: dale, kim, chelsea, sarah and everyone else who sticks by me through everything
Favorite vitamins: flinstones
Favorite dog: anabelle, a pound puppy great dane mix
Favorite sport to watch: hockey, basketball and football
Favorite fruit: Strawberries and apples
Favorite song: wow, way too many to pick from!
Favorite milkshake: chocolate
Steak or lobster: steak
Favorite color: blue and orange
Favorite weather: sunny warm yet breezy days
Favorite state: NY and TX

Do you...

Have a crush on someone: yeah, i guess you could call it that
Wish you could live somewhere else? beach
Believe in online dating: No.
Want more piercings: idk.. maybe
Like cleaning: when i'm upset i do
Like roller coasters: Yes
Write in cursive or print: print
Last talked to: allyson
Last thought of: hatin my life right now
Last showered: yesterday afternoon
Last cut your nails: yesterday afternoon
Last did laundry: today
Last prayed: last night

For or against?..

Long distance relationships: depends
Killing people: depends
Teenage smoking:whatever tickles your pickle
Driving drunk: against!
Gay/lesbian relationships: whatever... just not for me
Soap operas: whatever tickles your pickle

have you?..

Ever been in a fist fight: i have
Ever been arrested: no
Ever had a friend die: yes.
Ever used a gun: yes.
Ever finished a puzzle: yes.
Ever got surgery: yes.
Ever got beat up: yes
Ever hated someone: yes.
Ever made a huge mistake: Yes.
Ever jogged a mile: yes.
Ever played with someones feelings: not on purpose. sorry.

What...

Shoes you wear: flipflops
Do you sleep in: t-shirts and pj pants
What did you eat for lunch: leftover kanki
# of accidents you been in: none that i've been driving...

Do you think you are?..

Pretty: eh, sometimes
Funny: i have my moments
Friendly: yes
Ugly: eh, sometimes
Lovable: yes.
Caring: very.
Cocky: usually not
Girly: Sometimes.
Boyish: not usually
Smart: yes

Favorite?..

Candy: gummy bears
Cereal: rice krispies
Gum: cool mint
Day of the week: saturday
Least fave day: monday and tuesday
Jello flavor: watermellon
Summer or winter: summertime the livin's easy
Trampolines or swimming pools: i like both

Person who last?..

Slept in your bed: me
Saw you cry: my family
Made you cry: my girly ass emotions and heart
went to the movies with you: my parents
Sent you an email: my teacher
Have you ever?..
Gone out in public in your pajamas? yes
Kept a secret from everyone? yes.
Cried during a movie? Yes.
Been on stage? yes.
Been to New York? yes
Been to California? no
Been to Florida? yes
China? no
Canada? no
Europe? yes
What time is it now? 10:22
Apples or bananas? banannas.
Blue or red? blue.
Walmart or target? Target
Spring or fall? spring
What are you gonna do after you finish this? bed
What was the last meal you ate? corn dog
Are you bored? yes.
Last noise you heard? sex and the city on tv
Last smell you sniffed: my hair
Last time you went out of state/province? idk... but i'm moving out next week
Do you want children one day & if so, how many? 2 boys
Most important thing to you in a friendship is? Someone who is...honest,caring,loving,funny,loyal, and TOTALLY spontaneous

Random stuff?..

Criminal record? no
Do you speak any other languages? not really
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom: my bed
Piercings and where? ears
Worst feeling in the world? heartbreak and lonlieness
Your?..Nickname(s): f, fbuck, falikitee (that still sticks???) bucky
Initials: fbb
How old do you look? 17
How old do you act? 14
Glasses/contacts? glasses sometimes, supposed to be all the time... mainly when i drive
Braces: not anymore
Do you have any pets? anabelle (dog) marvin(cat) fishy (fish)
You get embarrassed? yes
What upsets you? a lot of things

06:55 pm - update

in 13 days i leave for florida.
in 14 days i begin my life as a walt disney world employee.

i have been sick since christmas eve... really sick.
whooping cough.
so since christmas eve i have been doing a whole lot of nothing. watchin a lot of tv. spending a lot of time on the internet.

joshs grandmother died. it makes me sad. i haven't met the one that died, but i know he loved her a lot. he always talked about how great she was. i love that family a lot. i hope that they are okay, they are all out in illonois right now.

the most random thing has happened. so i have randomly started talkin to a guy that i went to high school with. in high school i never talked to him, but we have a lot in common and he's really funny and really sweet, and my hero b/c he made a copy of the little mermaid for me on dvd. i hope i get better so we can hang out. but i dont wanna get attached to him since i'm about to leave. but fyi he's cute. and we random hooked up or somethin whatever on myspace.

on friday i'm going to greenville for girls night and i'm excited. i love girls night and i love those girls and i miss them a lot.

and i think i'm startin to get nervous about disney.

Current Mood: anxious

06:04 pm - it's a new year my friends!

So i figured that since it's a new year i would go ahead and post another entry. that and i am insanely bored b/c i'm sick, and i've been sittin in this same recliner for like a week now. exciting stuff i tell you!
anyway...
So Christmas was nice.... woke up xmas morning sick as a dog,slept most of the day, but i got cool stuff i suppose. New Years Eve, spent it at home with the family because surprise surprise I was still sick! oh well, what can ya do. It wasn't too horrible though.

now.. a new year is here! and an exciting one!

Travel arrangements have been made for my trip to florida... I'm gonna drive down on the 24th and my mom is going to ride with me so i dont have to drive such a long distance alone... then we are gonna stay in a hotel and mom is going to fly back the next morning while i stay in florida for a few fabulous months. (hopefully fabulous anyway)

now i just have to hang out in raleigh for a while... i work a few mornings a week at Mothers Morning Out still... i was gonna work at applebees, but not anymore... i'm just broke! buti gotta find another way to make money so i can save up for florida...

10:24 pm - mrs. robinson

not sure why i just entitled this entry mrs. robinson.... just popped into my head. "Heres to you Mrs. Robinson"
So i have seen RENT 2 times... saw it first thing wednesday when it came out... amazing... truly amazing... i saw a lot of people there too... lots of people i hadn't seen since graduation.. lots of hugs. i saw a lot of guard people. i saw a lot of assembly line people. RENT is just simply a phenomonon. i love it. i saw it yesterday with allyson.... and tomorrow i'm going to see it with kim and dale and heather. i'm excited. i love RENT... love it love it love it. when it hits the 1.50 theater i will see it every day.. when it comes out on video.. i will watch it over and over andover again. i love it.
thanksgiving was okay... did the family thing... got lots of sad eyes about mine and joshs break up. one aunt however had the balls to come up to me and tell me how disappointed she was that i had let someone so perfect from me slip away.. how did i ruin such a relationship.. she had planned on us getting married..
ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT!?
ugh
of course that has led to me bein quite upset for a couple days......
i'm so stressed out from exams and the end of the semester and tryin to get this disney thing to roll right. i'm quite ready to go.

09:21 pm

Your Birthdate: February 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech. In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek. It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with. Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots! Your strength: Your unfailing logic Your weakness: Loving machines more than people Your power color: Tan Your power symbol: Pi Your power month: July

10:46 am

Take the quiz: "what kind of drug are you? (includes pictures)"

cocaine.
you are cocaine. addictive, expensive and confident.

07:44 pm - what a crap day

ugh...
I am so pissed that I cancelled my plans to come home so I could stay in town and spend the day alone, and spend the night alone. i got shafted. and my stupid ass jsut checked joshs away message. i think he might be seein someone. now if i could tell all the history of the last few weeks w/y'all i would, but know that him seeing someone and not telling me hurts worse than anything in the world, almost as bad as him breaking up with me. so i figure i'll probably spend the rest of the night sittin alone in my room and crying. i'm so ready to get out of here and have things to do and people to see and jobs to do. i dont think florida can get here soon enough. at least christmas vacation or something. i'm so ready to go home. i was going to go home this weekend, but as it turns out i'm going home monday night for a flu shot, so i couldn't do both. then i'll be goin home again on friday then back here sunday, then finally home for thanksgiving monday again. i'll be thankful to get out of here. then it will be almost time to go home for good.
quite frankly i really am starting to hate it here. when i get back from disney i will be looking at other schools to transfer too. i know the josh thing really shouldnt' be getting to me this badly, but i am stil really quite in love with him. i dont know what my problem is.
i miss all my friends from high school.
ugh.. crap... i'm really just miserable...
probably the stress of the end of the semester, trying to deal with my feelings that aren't disappearing, my homesickness, and my everything... just everything...

Current Mood: miserable

11:23 am - Survey

FILL THIS OUT!!!
Mmkay, just for fun times, click "comment on this and then cut and paste this into a comment for me! Give me something to look forward to...

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF...
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY..?

» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

11:14 am

SO today is kind of a rough day for me.... a special day that josh and i had been lookin forward to for a while... one of those days where all u can do is think of what the significance of the day is, and the plans you had to celebrate it and how now none of that is going to happen, but i can't stop thinkin of the significance of the day. ugh.. i hate being a sentimental girl!!!! i definatly would rather just stay in bed all day.

on the up side.... i will be going to Disney World in January and staying until August. Not sure of the acutal dates yet.. i'm tryin to wait for laura to get her acceptance pack so i can try to coordinate dates w/her so we can drive down together or something.. maybe follow each other or something.. idk... i hope she gets her packet soon!!!! b/c i know she will!

but i'm super stoked about that. i'm thinkn about changing my major agian... to Hospitality Management... if i do that i will be in school for a lot longer. but i mean, how much farther behind could i really be. i went up to the advising dept for hospitality management yesterday and found out nothing really. he was tellin me to not do the internship. ugh.. "what is more important, this internship, or getting a degree" well sir... right now this internship is quite important. i don't need to stay in greenville right now. i need to get away and move on with my life before it completley shatters around me. because if i continue to stay here i will continue to make decisions that will ruin my life and break my heart over and over and over again. i gotta get away.
right now josh breaking up with me could be one of the better thnings thats happened in a while.. or that is what i'm tryin to tell myself, b/c if he hadn't broke up with me then i would not hvae gone to that meeting, much less applied and i would probably not accept the invitation.
i'm quite scared about it actually.
terrified.
excited.. but insanely terrified.
i hate it. i wish my life had all the answers laid out in front of me.
but i have survived a month alone... a month just bein felicity instead of bein felicity and josh. i must say.. its a lot harder than i thought. he took care of me a lot better than i can take care of myself. i think i took care of him better than he is taking care of himself too. wow. sometimes the best things in life are confusing as hell i suppse.

halloween was fun. i love greenville halloweens. and to think i wasn't originally gonna go out! Allyson took me out to dinner to celebrate my acceptance into the disney thing. we went to applebees, that was fun. then i came back here and dressed up... ha... i was cute! then went out with dale and kim and heather, and chelsea and that was fun. we went to the mendenhall thing first.. i'd never been. it was fun i suppose, we got our pictures taken and then we went over to the rec center where it was kinda like a ghetto high school dance... ridiculous! we decided we were way too white to stay in there.. we were practically glowing we were so white! so we did wax sculptors of our hands and then we got tattoos... the painted on kind that they airbrush on your skin and last 2 weeks. mines kinda hot. i want a real one. i'll probably get one soon.

i'm goin home this weekend to go over the disney stuff w/my parents and select dates and what not. i'm so glad that i'm going.
what bums me out tho is that when sarah fritz gets back from england i'll be leavin pretty soon after that. we will definatly have to hang out at least once or twice when she gets back before i leave so we can have gilly times!

Current Mood: contemplative

01:23 am

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

06:24 pm - disney

finally something to hopefully go right in my life.
today i went to a meeting about the disney college program. i really want this. really really really.
tomorrow i have a phone interview at 10 am.
i really want this.
get me away to some place where nothing is josh.
where everything finally goes okay.
and hopefully i will stop crying myself to sleep at night. and faking a smile all day.
i want this bad.
i would live in florida and work at disney january-may, or maybe even august.
have i said how much i want to do this.
i would even be a custodian at disney. i want this soooo bad!
cross your fingers and pray please!
i want it so bad!

08:24 am

When something goes wrong... everythign goes wrong.
EVERYTHING.
i have no desire to go back to greenville. i'm so tired of hurting.
i'm ready for this semester to be over.... i might take a semester off... no, not because of josh. which i know is what most of you are thinking. but it's not b/c of him. i've been thinkin about it for a while, but holding on bc i had something to hold on to.
i just have to figure out something to do over a break.

i just have to figure out how to pick up the peices of my heart, and my life and put them back together again.

on the up-side. i had a good weekend. workin at the fair booth was fun. and wanderin around the fair w/thomas, ross, and jonathan was fun.

i talked to him yesterday.

i dream about him every night.

last night i dreamed that he didn't want to get back together... last night i dreamed that he said he was over me....... now my dreams have turned their back on me, and i'm completley broken.

10:02 am - final farewell

yesterday i started my job at KB toys. we'll see how that works out.
josh picked me up at the parking lot and took me back to my room.
it's amazing that despite everythign i still love him.
so i did the hardest thing yet. i told him that we just wouldn't be able to talk or see each other at all anymore. he needed space, and i haven't given it to him. so now he is going to get it.
i guess i know that it is the right thign to do. but i also know that i just ripped my body apart. i'm so tore up.
that saying "if you love something set it free, blah blah blah" well... we'll see. but right nwo i'm going to move forwaard. hard as it is. i'm goign to move forward and hope that i can do it.
i will look at his picture one last time before i put it in the box in my car. i will hug the dog one last time before i put it in storage. i will stop dreaming of him. i will forget the effects taht he has on me. he has changed. he is not the same person.

10:11 am

Somebody please help me! i dont know what to do anymore.
this has completley consumed me.
i can't eat or sleep or breathe.
i'm tired of crying.
i'm tired of caring.
i'm tired of wondering.
i dont want to love him.
i dont want to love anyone again.
i dont want to think about him.

11:08 am - i hate this

I hate being heartbroken so bad... i hate having to be strong in front of everyone....
i hate crying alone in my room.
i hate crying
i hate wanting him back in my life so bad!
i hate this so much

Current Mood: depressed